...and the Dog

Animal parade

2011-01-30T20:46:00.002-05:00

She made me move over so she could put her little farm animals on the table. Right in front of me. Right at that very second. And it made me smile so I let her.

December 2003

2011-01-20T17:51:00.003-05:00

Picture taken days before he proposed to me. December 2003. I love that I still wear John's Air Force hoodie to this day, so many years later. I love that scrappy was about a five year old dog in this picture and now she's gotta be around twelve. I love that you can see John's tattoo. We weren't even thinking about kids and the freedom was amazing. I still got my nails done every two weeks in those days. I can see they were red in this picture. I love that I know my mother-in-law took this picture. And this would be why I love photography. This one image made me feel so much.

Good times. Really.

Introducing...

2011-01-17T20:35:00.002-05:00

Quintin Todd

Born: March 20th

Where: Babyland General Hospital

Cleveland, Georgia

This is Emelia's first Cabbage Patch Kid. I still have my first one at my moms house. Grandma bought this one for our daughter too but Emelia picked it out all on her own. Good job kid.

First ballet shoes

2011-01-08T13:20:00.003-05:00

Aunt Britt got Mela her first pair of real ballet shoes. My daughter will start ballet this year. I can't believe I even have a daughter old enough to start such a thing. Just to see her in her shoes and tights and dress, my heart melts. Oh my, this girl really does hold my heart in hers. She drives me crazy and is so intense but then I can hardly discipline her properly because as soon as she starts to cry or get sad I can't stand it. I have to hug her and make it all better. She has all of us wrapped around her little finger. She is strong spirited and doesn't take no for an answer. She is tall for her age and knows it. She loves her brother more than anyone else in the world. She loves our dog and feeds him way too much of her food. She is going to be three years old next month. Um, where the heck has the time gone?

I love you my Mela.

A long, long, year...

2010-12-31T12:30:00.006-05:00

Because of so many reasons, this year will be the year that I always will remember as the year that made me who I'm supposed to be. The year that beat me down and confused me and made me crazy and made me sane and made me happy. The year that my first born started school and my daughter and I reconnected. The year that I truly embraced my photography and really fell in love with it because of this shoot and how it made me feel about my children. The year I finally got to be with my Brittan. Finally. The year that reminded me of the love I have for him and oh yeah, this year the hubs finally did turn 30. I now know, without a doubt, I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm home. I'm who I'm supposed to be.

I'm a mother.

I'm a wife.

I'm imperfect.

I'm good.

I'm selfish

but not always.

I'm hopeful.

I choose to forgive.

I will let go of the past.

I will welcome the future

with an open mind,

with strength.

I will love the

people that deserve it.

And let go of the ones

that don't.

I will love myself.

I will love my family

fiercely and unconditionally.

I will be loyal.

2011, I'm so ready for you.

Bring it on. I will make the best of you.

I got to spend a week with her...

2010-12-30T11:02:00.003-05:00

And it was amazing.

She finally met my daughter.

I got to see her so grown up 8yr old son.

We walked around Boulder together.

Shopped. Laughed. Cried. Hugged.

She got to witness my first try at Sushi.

I got to witness her get dragged into a street show.

We danced to Notorious B.I.G. in the car...

Hello all the memories that music brought back.

We got lost in the foothills and laughed every time

we had to backtrack because I couldn't follow directions.

Christmas morning we got to watch all our babies

together, in one place, being happy, opening gifts.

I got to just be with her.

And now they are making their way

back home and I miss them dearly.

What a good Christmas this was.

I'm grateful.

And for a better recap of our days together, here is Britt's take on her visit with me...

Good grief it's time for an update

2010-12-16T11:13:00.005-05:00

Christmas is just around the corner and I am so excited. Brittan and B are coming to stay with us for the holidays. That alone is worthy of me having a full blown freak out all because it makes me so darn happy. I haven't seen her in over three years and that's hard being that she alone is what sometimes keeps me sane (a lot of phone calls and texts happening). She hasn't met Mela and I am so happy for Mela to meet her Aunt Britt because I know that Mela is going to fall head over heels in love with her. I can't wait to see Mela playing with Britt's hair and cuddling with her and giving her besitos on her nose and cheeks and just loving the crap out of her. And I get to see B! He's eight now and such a big boy and so smart and I can't wait to just sit and listen to him and everything that makes him so special. Happy times.

Here at our house the Christmas tree is up and decorated and the lights outside are awesome, if I do say so myself. Complete with a feeding doe and two Christmas trees and lights that dangle so beautifully from the gutters. I go outside just to stare at it all because it makes my heart happy, happy.

Santa (grandparents are amazing, aren't they!?) have made sure that our kids are going to have some awesome gifts this year and I am so looking forward to watching my babies burst with happiness on Christmas morning. I can't wait to wake up on the 25th and have so many people that I truly love all under the same roof. It's going to be perfect.

I feel so blessed and lucky and happy and grateful.

thankful for...

2010-11-26T15:52:00.004-05:00

my kids
my mr.
my mom
my in-laws
my britt
my home
my dog
my photography
my dad
my Axel
my sisters

good food
good moments
laughing till it hurts
pretty pictures
pretty flowers
visiting family
loving on family
holding babies
walking my dog
sitting in the quiet
enjoying the quiet

my life
my journey
my right now.

To all of you in or around Denver, CO this is for you!

2010-11-19T20:00:00.001-05:00

(click to enlarge)

Sweet 2 year old Kami is the daughter of a dear friend I made when I moved to Pennsylvania back in 2008.

Like the flyer says above, I will be offering 30 minute mini sessions this Saturday, November 27th at Washington Park in Denver, in her behalf. The sessions will start at 8:00am and end at 3:30 pm. Every single penny will go to Kami and her family. Their medical bills grow every day.

For a minimum of $40 (though you can donate more, of course) you will receive a 30 minute session, CD with all final edited images in both color and black and white, and an online gallery. This is the perfect opportunity to get your annual family pictures done in time for Christmas cards or just because, and to help out a deserving family.

This is first come, first serve so if you're interested please let me know ASAP!

Please participate and spread the word! Thank you so very much!

Shout out to Natalie of Uniquely Natalie for generously making that beautiful flyer. You're awesome :)

5 years and counting...

2010-11-17T18:29:00.004-05:00

(John with his money birthday crown at school)

My son is now five years old. It happened Monday. As soon as he woke up, daddy and I had a special present for him and lots of hugs and kisses. He has announced that it is his birthday week, we're going along with it as I love that idea. Every morning we say happy birthday to him and he can't wait until Saturday when we have his actual party.

The hubs on papa's birthday also happened to find old tapes in the garage of little John on our first Christmas in our house, back in 2007. We all gathered around our old video camera and watched little John wake up on Christmas morning, a little chubby two year old. As soon as I saw him like that, like he used to be, my little baby, the tears came. Tears and a sad feeling as I realized that time is not going to stop. That he is only going to get older. That one day he will be 6 and then 9 and then 13 and then, well, too old for my liking.

But I also am so happy. So happy that I have an amazing five year old who makes me laugh and makes me crazy and makes me love being a mom, all at the same time. Having my son was and will remain the most incredible experience of my life. He was my first and I got to enjoy every single moment with him. I was just nineteen years old when I had him. And the hubs worked full time at night and went to school full time so it was just me and my little guy most of the time. So glad that it happened how it did. I soaked him up as much as possible and I'm beyond grateful that I was able to.

Son, our papa, we love you. You make our lives happy. You make us laugh. We love how you run around in costumes, constantly, always. The day you stop will be a sad one. We adore the way you talk, lisp and all. I hope that your relationship with Mela stays as sweet as it is now. Seeing you as a big brother these last two years has been a dream come true for me. Because of this and so much more, we love you baby.

Happy 5th Birthday, my son.

We're back...

2010-10-18T18:08:00.004-04:00

(At Lake Tobias)

We just got back from PA about a week ago.
I've been meaning to write about our trip.
I can't seem to get on the computer much lately.
But let me just say, for the record, we had
ourselves a freakin wonderful time. We ate
yummy food, and got to pet wild animals and
feed them too and we went to a kids amusement
park and we hugged people we love but don't get
to see much. And the kids? Well, there were kids
everywhere, all the time. Cousins and cousins
and my kids were in heaven. I was so happy
for them and didn't mind that at one point,
we went somewhere and were a seventeen
person group. SEVENTEEN. Good stuff.

I could go on and I will soon.
For now, we're back home.
And that feels amazing, too.

Mela and Mama

2010-09-28T18:13:00.003-04:00

where I wanna be.
with her. while she
dreams and i cuddle.

Estes Park, wish we were still there with you

2010-09-24T21:03:00.008-04:00

This past Saturday, on a whim, we decided to go to the mountains just for a day. Estes Park in particular because my husbands only been trying to take me there since we started dating way back in 2003.

I would go there again, like tomorrow, because the beautiful drive up there alone would be so worth it. Even the kids were holding hands (instead of fighting which is what usually happens in our backseat) and in complete awe of what the mountains look like, how they make you feel. They are so majestic, so peaceful. I haven't been up there in a really long time. So glad we got to go.

We mostly just walked around and played and dipped our toes in creeks and watched people be happy and petted lots of dogs and ate ice cream cones that were so yummy and I took pictures, of course. It was such a good day. And those are so very welcomed right now.

In one week, we will be in Pennsylvania. I can feel the excitement that comes when a long awaited trip is just around the corner. We will get to be at grandma and papa's house in the woods. And my kids will play with their cousins and I will hold babies that I don't get to see or cuddle usually. My husband will finally hug his mama, whom he misses so terribly. I will surely chat it up with my mother-in-law till the wee hours of the morning, at least once. Hopefully more than that. We will sleep at night and not hear cars honking or people's music bumping and no street lights will shine thru the windows. There's a full house at grandma's right now and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad bit nervous about how all our little ones will play and mesh and share together. But in my heart I know every thing will be just fine. Awesome, at that.

We can't wait.

NEWS: Sessions in Pennsylvania!

2010-09-16T21:30:00.001-04:00

just his undies

2010-09-14T17:29:00.004-04:00

By 8:15 every morning now I am running around getting both kids ready so we can go drop off little John at school. I actually enjoy it, by the way. A lot. It's like instead of getting a late start because we all just lounge around and play till we get bored, now we all know our days start early and that's perfect.

But then we actually drop off papa. And Mela starts asking where her brother is and the tears fly out of her eyes like he just left us for the rest of time and there's no reasoning with her either. She's pure drama, that child, but the crying does eventually stop when I ask her where she wants to go, just with mommy. "Mela, wanna go see the fish (Bass Pro Shop), or go play at the park, or maybe Barnes and Noble?"And today she picked the fish. So we went to Bass Pro and walked around while she lead the way. She knew she was special right then and there and that the day was hers. I could tell. She got it today. Papa leaves, I get to have mommy all to myself, then we go get papa again. Great.

And let me just say that when I do finally go pick him up, it's heaven. I like to go pick him up alone so Mela stays with daddy. And I get more and more excited as I get closer to his school because I know we get to have him back after a long six hours of having him away from home. When I finally do pull up to his school I park, work my way through the crowd of kids and parents and find his door, his classroom, and my eyes dart from child to child trying to find my baby, my four year old among the many in his class. And then I find him and call out "Papa!" and
he knows it's his mama calling him because when he turns back to look at me he's already smiling. And damn it, so am I. He runs to me, we hug, and he immediately starts telling me about his day as we get in the car and drive home.

And my favorite, he walks in our house, throws down his backpack, and proceeds to strip down just to his undies. He does this every single day when he gets home from school. And I think it's awesome.

Whatever you need to do to relax, my son.
We're just glad you're back.

He started school...

2010-09-09T18:46:00.007-04:00

Little John started school on Tuesday.
To say I freaked out and cried like an
idiot after dropping him off,
is an understatement.
I held it together until I left his
classroom though. I'm proud of that.
But when I got in the car,
the tears came out and all I wanted
to do was run back in and take him
home with me. Mela kept asking for her
brother and every single time she did for the
first couple of hours after dropping him off
I cried. But then I went to go pick him up
after six hours (SIX WHOLE HOURS)
and I found him playing with his classmates
and despite all my worries, he was so
totally fine. He loved it.
Thank the powers above...

He loved it.

Mela and the hubby

2010-09-06T21:45:00.010-04:00

Mela was really sick yesterday and today. Throwing up and with serious tummy aches. I have never, ever been so grateful for my husband. Mela wanted to do nothing else today but cry and be held by daddy and he was so up to the task. Hour after hour he held her with such patience. More patience than I possess, that's for sure. And all I kept thinking was how lucky she is to have a daddy that loves her that much. She's the luckiest girl in the world.

And somewhere in between all the throw up, cries, and cleaning up, I realized how lucky I am, too. It's as if watching my hubby love his family so much, made me fall for him all over again. It's hard to explain, really. But he took care of all us this weekend. We ate and slept and got tucked in and took medicine and drank enough liquids because he made sure we did. And I think that's awesome. Not everyone has someone like that to take life on with. I realize that and I'm grateful I do.

With all my heart,
thank you, babe.

banana shake, please

2010-08-26T00:32:00.003-04:00

We were hot.
We were bored.
Papa wanted a banana shake.
But we had no bananas.
A quick trip to Sprouts and
thirty minutes later
we had our banana shake.

yum.

Play-Doh

2010-08-17T10:32:00.006-04:00

Play-Doh is always good messy fun.
My OCD always kicks in when I see
little pieces of orange or blue dough
flying everywhere. I resist the urge
of continuously vacuuming while
they play as they've told me that really
annoys them, apparently. Whatever.

So, this time I just took pictures of the mess.
The good mess. Because this happened after
breakfast and in just a few days, papa won't be
here to play with us after breakfast. He'll be in school.
Probably also making a good mess of his own but
just with his new friends and teacher. Not us.

And good for him.

Alone...

2010-08-12T16:26:00.004-04:00

My sister from another mother, Britt, sent me this video when I was having a hard time going to the movies alone. And after watching it I started to think...

Though I am glad for every single person in my life that loves me and that I get to love back,
I still yearn for what it would have felt like to live on my own.
To have lived my life just for myself and make what I wanted of it.

To fall and get up and say I did it, I survived.
For me and by myself and because I had to and wanted to.

I think there's something powerful about experiencing life on your own.
To truly feel the beatings and the love and the fun and the hardships that life
will give you and just soak it all in for yourself.

I see the strength you gain from surviving on your own in my mom.
I see it in Britt. The confidence you have after you have lived
and figured it out all on your own.

Because I got married at barely eighteen and now have two amazing babies,
I will never experience this living on your own business.
And I'm okay with that because my life is pretty freakin' sweet, all things considered.

But to the women in my life that show me how it's truly done,
I love you.

about two more weeks left...

2010-08-03T18:36:00.002-04:00

My boy starts pre-k in about two weeks. From about 8 am to 2pm. The thought of him not being around to play with us all day or to help me in the kitchen or to watch movies with Mela or to paint and color with me in the afternoon is just, well, really sad.

I will be happy to watch him make new friends and to see him grow and learn and mature. But I'm not going to say it's been easy on me. Yesterday afternoon, when telling the hubby about the school orientation, I started to cry.

Real tears.
Out of nowhere.
Uncontrollably crying.
Like the unattractive kind of cry.

Yup, that was me yesterday. But than I thought about next year, and how sad I'll be when he starts Kindergarten and I stopped crying. Because next year?

I'll be one hot mess on the first day of Kindergarten.

One hot mess who will be oh so proud and happy for her little one. I'm just going to miss him, is all.

Woody and Buzz

2010-07-27T18:49:00.003-04:00

So, I guess Woody and Buzz also get hot in the summer?
Apparently because little John decided they needed some
time in the fridge.

Funny and genius if you ask me :)

Our Family Portrait: little John style

2010-07-10T11:32:00.003-04:00

(from left to right: mommy, little john, daddy, mela)

He likes to draw and color. He has drawn mommy and Avatar stuff and Spiderman stuff and Mela and daddy and Taos. But he's never drawn our little family all together, on one page.

And for some reason I got so ridiculously excited when he showed me his masterpiece. Just another sign of how much my little boy is growing up.

Oh and I also love the four hair's he gave me, and the two hair's he gave Mela.
So sweet.

I really did cry watching it

2010-07-01T10:07:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I took my son and two of his buddies to watch Toy Story 3. I had heard it was awesome and amazing and that my kids would love it. But I am positive that I loved it just as much, if not more, than the kids did.

Particularly hard to watch was when Andy's mom says goodbye to her son as he's leaving home to go off to college. She stands in his empty room, everything now packed up in boxes. She places her hand on her chest, the tears start forming, and all of a sudden I'm crying with her. And I look back at the kids in the row behind us. Three brother's, I'm sure, as they all look alike and than I look over at their mom. She's staring at her boys and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one crying.

Being home with toddlers, the thought of either one of my babes ever being old enough to even consider leaving home is unfathomable. But let me be clear, I do think about that day often. Most of the time in a sad, "Please never leave me kids!" way. But also, I think about it when I'm stressed and tired. And overwhelmed and in tears in the laundry room just because the pile of clothes that needs washed and dried and folded and put away just seems to be insurmountable. And the kids need fed. And John won't be home for hours. Oh and the toilets need scrubbed. ASAP. Which is exactly what happened about two weeks ago. Really, I did that. It's funny now, actually. Picture me, bent over the washing machine, crying and hugging a pile of clothes.
Yeah, it's funny now.

But than I see a movie like Toy Story 3. And I'm crying at the thought of my birdies flying away from home one day. And while having that little moment with Andy's mom, my four year old son looked over at me, hugged me, and gave me a besito (kiss). And it's like he knew. He knew that one day he would also be older and go off to college or to live his life away from home. And he knew mommy was also thinking the same thing and that thinking that made me really sad.

And of course, I really started crying after that. But I composed myself, hugged my first born
back, and decided that there's a long time before now and than. And I promised to never think about my kids leaving home in a good or bad way. I just want to live in the now. Enjoy my babies.

Even the next time I end up crying in the laundry room over big piles of clothes and dirty toilets and hungry kids, I plan to laugh and enjoy the moment.

Well, when I'm done crying, that is.

because it made me hug my babies a little tighter

2010-06-26T22:23:00.004-04:00

maybe it will do the same for you.
Because we all get frustrated with our little ones.
And patience is not always abundant.
And kids are loud and sometimes we get louder.
But than, it shouldn't matter. For they are precious,
our babies. And that's why I love this blog.
Though it be sad sometimes, it makes me appreciate my little ones.
And it makes me wanna hug Sheye.

This post did it though. I'm still crying about it.

Especially this part,

"Ava, in every part of the World, and all the corners of my soul, I miss you."

Oh man. Tears and more tears.

More sleep, dear Lord

2010-06-24T11:20:00.003-04:00

The kids in our house wake up early. Really early. 5 am or a little later. Always. I'm serious. I know this is normal sometimes when you have a newborn or a baby. But I don't have either one of those in my house anymore. So last night, the hubby could tell I was exhausted. He hugged me, and said a prayer and in it, he asked for the kids to wake up at 8am so they could let mommy sleep. We both sort of laughed when he was done. I said something like, oh wouldn't that be awesome. So off to bed I went at almost midnight.

And the next thing I know, Mela is opening my bedroom door.
The sun looks way brighter than it usually does when she wakes up.
I search for my phone. Find it. Push a button to light it up.
And do you know what time it was?

7:48am

I laughed thinking of last night.
As I think that's pretty darn close.

A little visit

2010-06-22T12:32:00.003-04:00

We had family visit this past weekend.
The best part for me, was watching my
hubby with his family. I know he really
was wanting to see his brother before he
gets deployed next month. I know he was
happy to see his dad on father's day weekend.
Who knows when that will happen again.
But now he misses them terribly, I can
just tell. He's called his dad a few times just
since they left, yesterday morning. My
babies have been asking where their cousins
are. I tell them we'll see them soon. Even that,
to me, is foreign. I had no cousins to play with or
to grow up with. I'm glad my babies do.

I also got to photograph my brother-in-law and his family.
There's a little sneak peek of that, here.

They used to look like this...

2010-06-17T10:08:00.005-04:00

And now Mela is so big and looks like this.
And papa is a big boy and still makes faces like these...
because some things never change.

I can't help wanting to jump into that
picture up there to eat Mela's cheeks.
And to cut papa's hair while he cries on my lap.
Screaming till red in the face and inhaling his hair
while we buzz it all off. Oh, the memories of that.

Makes me laugh just thinking about it.
Wasn't so funny when it was happening though.

Trust me.

My Mela

2010-06-16T16:59:00.002-04:00

"She's the Sadie in my photography. Her pretty little face and messy hair is the first thing I see, every morning...

the rest of the story, HERE.

Today my hubby snapped this photo...

2010-06-13T20:24:00.003-04:00

I got teary eyed while I was editing it.

Not because I think I look amazing.
Or because it's the most creative shot.
But because it's of me and my Mela.
And I'm actually looking at the camera.
And it wasn't taken by my four year old.
And it's a picture that I can blow up and hang
proudly somewhere in my home.
I don't have enough of these.
Must work on that.

For now, this picture has me so very happy.

making me smile

2010-06-10T19:33:00.005-04:00

No matter how stressful the day,
looking at his face makes me smile.
He has no worries in the world.
He's not concerned with
anything he can't control.
He's just enjoying life.
And I should be more like that, too.

I'm having a little giveaway...

2010-06-09T18:10:00.001-04:00

To get more info or enter, head on over to my photo blog, HERE!

Another first

2010-06-07T17:44:00.003-04:00

We had another first, here at our casa today.
Mela got her little toes painted pink.
And now they match mine.
I still can't believe she sat there long
enough to get them painted and let
them dry. She felt so special.
And so did I.

For the record...Mela's first pedicure, courtesy her mama.

Last night...

2010-06-05T13:54:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was a long, long day. The hubby had a bit of a hard time at work and came home hours late. Which means we were at home waiting. The kids asking and asking, again and again, when daddy was coming home. There was more fighting than usual among my little ones and that never makes for a fun time.

But than daddy got home.
We had lunch.
The babies loved each other again.
Water balloon fights were had.
Ice cream was gobbled up by all.
Movies on the tv while the kids played.

And before I knew it, it was bedtime. And the kids put up a good fight. Mela, being the one that usually is easy at bedtime, went to bed two hours after my first attempt.

But than everyone was in bed, including my hubby.
And I went off to walk the dog while the sun was quickly going down.
When I got back home, I had a text from my best friend, Britt.
I called her, and we talked.

And for over an hour, I laid on my back patio with Taos laying next to me, and I watched the airplanes fly by, and listened to my Britt. Soaking up every word she was saying, loving the fact that we were spilling our guts out. Hoping that she could feel my love for her. Wishing we weren't always thousands of miles away.

Eventually I made my way to bed. And I thought about the fights that day, and the Mela drama. And of Britt and I, and how grateful I am for our friendship. And the last thing I remember is hearing Taosy snore.

And I think that was a pretty good day.

Emily Falconbridge and her awesome camera straps

2010-06-05T11:52:00.003-04:00

(my camera strap the hubby got for me for Christmas 2008)

Emily runs this adorable blog that I have followed for a few years now. And now she is giving away one of her awesome camera straps on Walk Slowly, Live Wildly!

I really hope I win.
But if I don't,
it's going on my birthday list.

this past weekend we just played...

2010-06-01T20:48:00.004-04:00

LaLa had us over a couple times this weekend. The kids swam, ran around, and we ate some really yummy food.

In the middle of all that, I kept having moments of true appreciation for what I have. For my little family. For our home. For my babies that are healthy and happy.

And for all that yummy food, too.

Best artwork in my house...

2010-05-26T10:20:00.003-04:00

Brought to you by little John and Mela.
Made outside while they both ran around in just undies.
Supplies: washable Crayola markers.
Which is a good thing because after they were done coloring on paper,
they moved on to redesigning the exterior of our house.

I like it on my fridge.
But I don't want a bright red house, thank you very much.

I love what she said...

2010-05-25T17:36:00.004-04:00

(mommy and baby from this session)

I watched NieNie's New Life video again this weekend. It makes me cry every single time I hear her say...

"To me, beauty and motherhood are one; they're the same thing."

She's right, isn't she? Even though every photo session I have, my favorite part always is capturing how beautiful mothers look when they're happy with their babies, I still never really thought of motherhood and beauty as being the same thing.

But they are. There's no way around it.

Pink...

2010-05-24T09:59:00.004-04:00

I get flowers every week from my hubby.
This week, they're pink.

I think that's sweet.

She...

2010-05-21T17:57:00.004-04:00

loves to brush my hair and giggle...
sings all day and skips around as much as she walks...
dances and twirls and spins and plays....

and she's my baby. And I love her so.

"Mom, take pictures of my angry face!"

2010-05-20T21:23:00.004-04:00

Done!

He wanted a picnic outside...

2010-05-17T15:26:00.005-04:00

So, let's first address the obvious.

Mela looks a little bit...disheveled. Marker on the knees, questionable hair, and than there's the clothes. That skirt is from last summer and that turtleneck is her brother's from a couple years ago. She dressed herself. And that's why I love it.

Now, little John decided he wanted to have a picnic a few days ago. Not in our backyard this time, but out front. So have a picnic we did.

Except, we really didn't get to eat because we got up to play and by the time we came back to eat our sandwiches, our dog Taos had helped himself.

Good thing we love that little sucker more than we like to eat our sandwiches.
Well, we just love him a lot, period.

A converstaion with him...birds and bees?

2010-05-13T22:07:00.006-04:00

John: Mommy?
Me: Yeah, babe?
J: How exactly did Mela get in your belly and than get out of your belly?
Me: Um, ....................
J: I mean, I know she didn't come out of your belly button!
Me: You're right, she didn't.
J: So, how did she come out than?
Me: (taking in a deep breath, while freakin' out) Well, see when mommy and daddy....
J: Oh, look! Spongebob is on!! (And he runs off)
Me: Yay!! Spongebob is on!! Yay!!! Thank goodness!! Have fun watching son!!!

I was so not ready to have the birds and bees talk. What the heck, he's only four years old. Don't I have like ten more years?

Apparently not. Geez.

A favorite in my house...

2010-05-12T11:28:00.005-04:00

I love this little space in my little house. I love the yellow and the coke bottles that my hubby collects. The squares that took an eternity to put up because I just suck at hanging anything on the wall.

And that bird. I really love that bird.
So does my Mela.

The mama's in my life...

2010-05-09T15:21:00.003-04:00

First there's my mama. The woman who...

Carried me in her belly for ten months.
Gave me life.
Loves me even when I act unlovable.
Cried watching me give birth to my son.
Laughs with me when my kids act silly.
Raised me as a single mom with pride, love, discipline, and a shoulder to cry on.
Forgives me when I mess up.
Gives me praise when I don't.
Loves my babies like her own.
Loves little John like I've never seen her love anyone before.
Looks at me with eyes that scream she's proud of me now. Don't deserve it but am grateful.
Would work three jobs at the same time sometimes just to give me everything I needed.
The woman who loves me more than anyone.

Mom, I love you. Like you may never know. No matter what. Forever and ever. Thank you.

Then there's my hubby's mama. My other mama. The woman who...

Met me when I was just seventeen year's old, and still loved me with all my craziness.
Gave birth to the father of my babies.
Raised five kids right and amazes me because of it.
Loved me through some hard times.
Helps so, so much. We're not even worthy.
Sends presents for us in the mail and makes my kids super happy.
Stayed up late with me to have long, yummy talks when I needed them the most.
Excepted me in her family like one of her own.
Taught me how to be in a family, with siblings and babies and the works.
Taught my husband to be a good father and hubby.
Makes me feel like part of a family that has all the pieces.

Kay, I love you. We all love you. We're so, so grateful for everything you do.

Happy Mother's Day to my mama's.

Pictures by little John

2010-05-07T11:14:00.003-04:00

My little John took this picture yesterday. I love it because my son took it, because it's a picture of me and my Mela and I only have about three of those (I'm working on fixing that), and because I'm loving on her while she's so, so happy.

And there's nothing better than watching your babies be happy.

A must see message, featuring NieNie

2010-05-04T13:00:00.001-04:00

she's just as feisty as I am

2010-05-03T21:48:00.004-04:00

Today I read Cjane's post and could totally relate.

I had my first baby and it almost felt too easy. Just like Cjane said, it was like I was playing house. I went to college every night, Mon-Thurs as soon as my son was two months old. I lost all the baby weight and more before he was ten months old. I felt great, was doing great, and enjoyed every second with him.

What was it that made having my daughter so much more difficult? Yeah, it was hard to have two babies now instead of one but there was something else. I think it was that I had a little girl now. Maybe not but I think that has something to do with it, for me.

All of a sudden, I had to raise a woman. And she's just as feisty as I am. And as feisty as LaLa is. And I have to figure out how to raise her with love and patience but still....deal with the strong toddler, and young lady she will be.

It's intimidating. From the beginning it was obvious to me that my relationship with Mela was going to be different than the one I have with little John. It used to stress me out more than make me happy.

Now, I welcome it. I'm grateful. And I'm happy that I will go through the process of raising a little girl.

LaLa

2010-04-28T09:16:00.003-04:00

Yesterday we spent our evening with LaLa (my mom). She made yummy squash and we gobbled it up. She played hide and seek with my kids. We ran around in the backyard and my mom and I pushed the kids on the swings. They had too many popsicles but that's okay because that's what grandma's do, spoil. We chatted about little John and how much we love his little smart butt. And we laughed when talking about Mela because she has inherited the feisty attitude that comes when you're a woman in our family.

I went home really happy. So did my babes.

Good times.

Day six...and I think the end for me

2010-04-26T17:37:00.002-04:00

This is day six of my cleanse. I had an okay day today but am for some reason really sad. I am really wanting to work out but barely have any energy to function as I only slept about four hours last night.

I think I am going to end my cleanse today. I know you're supposed to go to ten days but I just can hardly wait to start cooking yummy food and work out! I really miss working out. Never thought I would say that and really truly mean it!

Oh, I have lost about 12lbs. since I started this. I feel great about that and it's a great starting off point for me as I am looking forward to making some permanent changes in our family as far as what we eat.

This experience was such a good one! I never thought that I would be able to do one day on this cleanse, let alone six. It feels good.

Day five...oh the drama!

2010-04-25T10:15:00.004-04:00

I am halfway through my cleanse! Well, that is if I want to just do the ten day minimum that you're supposed to do. Which, as of right now, I'm really craving raw foods and wanting so badly to be able to do a good workout so I might just stop at ten days. I'm completely over looking at yummy foods and just getting sad that I can't eat them. I really haven't had a real, honest craving yet though. What would make me sad is realizing how much I've been eating just because, not because my body needs fuel to run properly. But just because I'm stressed or because something looks good.

Yesterday should have been a tough day for me, but it wasn't! I had a rough night sleeping because Mela (who's now two) has learned how to escape from her crib (like three times a night). And when I went to the store just for some more soy milk, I locked myself out of the car! It took two hours to get someone to open it for me and get back home. Than while I was waiting for the car to be opened, I got a call from a family friend about doing a photo session for her daughter, like that same day! So I did because I love me a photo session. But than after my session, about 7:30 pm my son was pretty adamant that we take him to see How to Train Your Dragon. And since we had been promising we would take him, I did take him...to the 9 pm showing. Oh my. I thought I was doomed. Late night, stressful day, that usually means I pig out on yummy food by the time 9 pm rolls around.

Walking to the theater after parking, my son notices Coldstone. We LOVE Coldstone. So John asked for some ice cream and into Coldstone we went! But I really wasn't tempted at all. It was an incredible feeling. But than as soon as we walked in the theater the smells overwhelmed me. It was like I could smell EVERYTHING. Popcorn, candy, cheese sticks, pizza, fries, and a mixture of other things. My son got popcorn and it was weird knowing that I couldn't even have one bite, but it wasn't difficult to resist.

So, all in all, it was a good day four!

Day four...

2010-04-24T10:26:00.005-04:00

I'm on day four of my cleanse now and I can hardly believe it. After I blogged yesterday, the rest of my day went okay. I went to bed earlier than usual so I didn't get a chance to blog again. I have to say though,

I tortured myself yesterday. Because I...

-went to Del Taco with John and sat there drinking my lemonade while he ate.
-my mom and I took the kids to burger king to play and she ended up getting a meal and so I also sat there and watched her eat. And I don't eat burgers but I do love me some BK fries.
-and I watched cooking shows. I have no idea why.

So there, that's why yesterday was not as easy as the other days have been. But it was manageable. If ever I think about eating something I just remind myself that all that food will be there in a few days when I finish my cleanse. Which is what I should always think when thinking about eating too much food for fun or because I'm stressed. I'm glad I'm learning that now.

I was watching some youtube videos yesterday and thought I would link some here to my blog. This particular set of videos is really great, I think. The woman starting out weighed 146 lbs and is 5'3. I'm just going to post two short videos here. The first one is her first day on the Master Cleanse. The second is her last day on the cleanse. She did it for the maximum amount of days recommended, forty. I love her story because she lost about 28 lbs and three months later had still kept off all the weight but 3lbs. She changed her eating habits and worked out regularly once she got off the cleanse. Also, she stopped drinking alcohol and that had been hard for her to do before the diet. So here are the two videos...

Day three..

2010-04-23T11:53:00.001-04:00

It's about 3 pm, I'm more than halfway through my third day and I'm feeling really good. I have not gotten any headaches today. I did buy a new tea, Smooth Moves, in hopes that it will be more gentle than the other tea I was drinking. I am not craving any food or finding it too difficult to not eat. I'm also still not tired or grumpy because I'm not eating.

On another note, I have lost 6 lbs. since I started this cleanse. Losing weight is not my main motivation for doing this, or else I would have given up on the first day! But it is nice to lose some weight, for sure. Well, I will update on how the rest of my day went later!

Day two...UPDATED

2010-04-22T11:55:00.002-04:00

It is about 11 am and so far I'm going strong! I'm not really hungry or having any cravings. That makes me so happy.

Little notes: Last night after I drank my laxative tea, I felt really good and relaxed. But this morning I did have some cramping and it lasted for maybe an hour. I think I might try a different tea today. Also, I did have a little bit of a headache last night. Nothing major at all. But I was expecting that as it is common the first few days.

Other than that, I'm doing really good! I will update tonight on how the rest of my day went!

UPDATE-10:00 pm

I made it through another day! I'm happy to report that today I had no headaches at all. I was a tad bit more hungry than yesterday but I think that's because I drank too much of my lemonade early in the day and didn't space it out properly. And also, I cooked a big pot of spaghetti for my family and it smelled so good that I was a little tempted but only for a few moments, surprisingly.

One of the most rewarding things so far about this is, is how much my mood has improved. I'm amazed at how much more patience I've had with my kids these past two days. I don't know if certain things that I'm eating normally are making me have mood swings or what but I've definitely been more relaxed lately. I was sure that doing this cleanse (and not being able to eat the yummy food I love to enjoy) was going to make me so grumpy! I'm happy the total opposite is happening.

Day two...check!

Day one of the Master Cleanse...UPDATED

2010-04-21T17:22:00.004-04:00

So, this is day one of my Master Cleanse diet! I feel incredible and it's past 4 pm already. I got up at 6 am so I've been up for a bit now. I've been drinking tons of water and am halfway through my lemonade. The lemonade is not that bad actually. I think I put just a little too much cayenne pepper in my mix today though, so tomorrow I will add a lot less.

My energy level is something I was really worried about because I have two kids under the age of four and I need to be able to keep up with them. As far as that goes, I feel like I may even have more energy than usual, believe it or not. Which says a lot about what I'm eating every day and how it's affecting me because I don't feel super tired today. I don't feel grumpy and I haven't had my "afternoon crash."

I have been watching videos of people that have done the Master Cleanse and I now think I want to do it for more than ten days, which is the minimum amount of days that is recommended. The maximum amount of days you should do it for is forty days. My goal though is to do the ten days and if I feel good and think I can do more, I will do another ten days. So, basically I will take this ten days at a time, if and until I get to forty days.

Something that I find amazing is that I have not had one single craving today. I haven't even really thought about food. Usually I'm so obsessive about what I'm eating and how much I'm eating and when I'm eating...and well, you get the point. But not today. The only time I even remembered I can't eat food was when I was peeling a clementine for Mela and almost went for a bite without even thinking about it.

I realized just a couple of hours ago that I'm feeling a lot like I felt when I went vegan over two years ago (I'm vegan probably half the time now, always a vegetarian). It's not the feeling I get when I go on a diet. Instead I just feel like it's what I need to do right now, and somehow my mind is set. So, it makes it a lot easier for me.

I will post about day two tomorrow. Wish me luck!

UPDATE-10:00 pm
I made it through my first day! I feel so great about finishing strong tonight. I finished my lemonade at about 6 pm and I just drank my herbal laxative tea. I'm so happy I was able to stay on the cleanse because I know that if I was able to do it today, tomorrow is going to be okay and now I know I'm strong enough to do it.

I feel most proud about being able to control the food around me, instead of having food control me. That is something that I have always struggled with. Because of that, I went through bouts of eating disorders as a teen and I never want to go through that again.

Day one...check!

The Master Cleanse...I'm gonna do it

2010-04-20T16:48:00.003-04:00

So, tomorrow I start the Master Cleanse diet. Oh my.

Powers above, please help me.

I've been wanting to do a cleanse or detox for weeks, I think I'm ready now. Out of all the research I've done, I'm most comfortable with the Master Cleanse. I bought all my ingredients for my lemonade today. I have to admit, it sounds absolutely disgusting. But I hear it's not that bad. Guess we'll see.

I'm mostly doing this to cut my emotional attachment to food. Even when I have been at my most healthy weight and have exercised daily, I still have been so worried about food. I want to see how different I will feel when the food I'm eating isn't affecting my body so much. My mood so much.

I want to write about this experience here on the blog so I can document in one place how I will feel and how I will be affected while on this cleanse. Every night I will write about how I feel and how it's going.

Here we go!

Mela's face says it all...

2010-04-19T19:47:00.002-04:00

How Mela looks in this picture is exactly how I felt today. My day started out at 4 am, when both kids woke me up by poking me in the face and yelling Mommy every four seconds.

Fantastic.

How I wish I could now write something like, "Oh but than everything got better and I've had such an amazing day!"

Nope. Not exactly.

But the good news is that this day is almost over. Tomorrow is Tuesday and Tuesday's are so much better than Monday's. Because Monday's totally just suck, don't they?

I welcome you Tuesday. So hurry up and get here already.

The reality is...

2010-04-17T10:10:00.008-04:00

Lately, I have been noticing every pregnant lady that crosses my path. Every baby that sits in a stroller looking so cute and adorable. Every little newborn outfit that I walk by at Target makes me almost cry, seriously! Probably because I think of my little baby who's so NOT a baby anymore. Mela's well over two years old now and I can't nurse her or cuddle with her for hours. I won't be in my rocking chair singing a little one to sleep at 3 am, any time soon, if ever again.

All that makes me very sad.

But when I think about the reality of having another baby and all the things I worry about...the hours that I will not sleep, the pain of labor, the postpartum depression I had with Mela (that completely rocked our world), how our car can't fit another car seat (I'm sure), one of my kids will have to share a room now, how will Mela deal with not being the baby anymore, what if something goes wrong with this pregnancy, what if I can't mother more than two kids happily (I was an only child, having two kids around all the time for me is a huge deal as it is) and many, many more worries I have...

Thinking all that also makes me very sad.

So, I suppose for now, I will just stare at other babies and wonder. Look at newborn outfits and just wish I had a reason to buy them. See pregnant women and just smile. After all, I did get to have two babies already...

And that makes me really happy.

Don't eat the yellow stuff...

2010-04-09T19:45:00.012-04:00

We have a backyard, here at our little house. Granted, it's an itty bitty backyard but whatever because it still counts! And when it snows and you have little ones around that means you're going out to play. I love seeing my kids happy, playing and in this case, eating the snow. But since our dog does go outside to do his "business" occasionally in our tiny backyard, we taught the kids that you only eat the white snow. Stay away from the yellow snow kiddos!

I think they listened. Let's hope so.

My boy's learning how to...

2010-03-30T12:29:00.004-04:00

Write. It's amazing, really. I remember when I first walked around with my first born. Everyone, especially those sweet old ladies, would tell me (warn me, actually),"They grow so fast! Enjoy every second!" But when you're a new mom and you barely have time to shower (right? Or was that just me?), you think, yeah right! This baby and I have a LONG way to go! Though I did genuinely enjoy every moment with my little John when he was first born, the thought of him ever really being a "big boy" was so far away from my reality. Now, well, I've arrived in "big boy land". I am officially just a mommy to one little girl, and one BIG boy. It's great and scary all at the same time. Pre-K is this year. Kindergarten next year. WHAT? But I will not waste time wishing I had my little baby boy back, I want to enjoy him how he is now.

That happy look...

2010-03-19T22:40:00.008-04:00

This post is really about my kids at the children's museum. But first let me point out something. Do you see that last picture? The one where Mela is looking at her daddy like he's the best thing ever?

Um, am I not the one that carried her in my womb for over nine months?
Breastfed her for eighteen months?
Woke up with her every single night for her first year of life, at least?
And daddy is the one that gets "the special happy looks?"

OK than!

But I guess when you fall in love, nothing else matters. Because let me tell you. This little girl loves her daddy. And, man oh man, does her daddy love her too. It's actually a really beautiful thing.

But back to the museum...It was a great day had by all! Just check out the pics.

The End.

Mela, you turned 2 today...

2010-02-25T23:29:00.007-05:00

Mela,
Let me first tell you how badly I wanted you.
Before you were born, I dreamed of having a beautiful little girl.
I would see your brother in the back seat of our car, and picture another little baby next to him.
When daddy and I started trying to get pregnant, it took less than a week to make you...
Told you we wanted you really bad :)
When you were finally born, things turned out to be kind of hard for me.
But we got through it.
And you still love me now, more than ever I think.
Daddy just commented today how much we've bonded lately.
I agree. We have really become closer as of late.
I'm so very grateful for that.
And for you.
You have more energy than I thought possible.
You are so feisty. But I mean, really feisty.
Matter of fact, you've been fiercely defending your older brother since you were 18 months old.
I love that you don't like really girly toys but that you love real babies.
You're such a mommy already.
Having you in our family makes it more fun.
More loving.
More funny.
More about living in the now.
We love you baby girl.
Happy Birthday.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Grandma K, this picture down below is for you. The shirts you sent fit her perfectly. Told you she's tall! Thanks again! We love the clothes.

Noodles, kids, and even dogs

2010-01-21T13:58:00.006-05:00

Today for lunch I made spaghetti. When any kind of food is made or prepared here, there is a crowd nearby. That crowd includes little people and our dogs. While trying a few noodles to see if they were ready, my little Mela, my dog Taos, and my mother's dog Buddy, kept getting closer and closer to me. I literally had all three of them at my feet within seconds of trying a few noodles. You would think they had never eaten before. So, to torture all of them (lol!), I would grab a noodle out of the pot and dangle it above my head and then put it in my mouth. Oh the fun! They all just wanted a noodle too! I grabbed my camera and started handing out the noodles. I LOVE these pictures so, so much! My Mela is in her brother's Spiderman costume (she doesn't own a single princess costume, or any girly costume for that matter. I love that she doesn't.). Mela's face in these is just almost too much. She has enough personality in her little body to give some away to the neighbors. Her big brown eyes...my goodness. And of course, I love that I finally got pictures of my dog's doing what they do best, eating.

Good times.

Jump on over...

2010-01-19T10:26:00.001-05:00

I posted some pictures of my little Mela over on my photography blog so go check them out!

Alive we are!

2010-01-18T13:12:00.002-05:00

Well, I suppose I've taken a little break from blogging. A lot has been going on, I guess. But I will spare the details. Mostly, I just wanted to say hi to the family and friends that have asked why our blog died. We're back! I will post pictures of our Christmas soon.

As far as the new year, the picture above done by the genius at Notebook Doodles, pretty much sums up how I plan to live this year. I want my kids to be happy, I want my husband to be happy, but I really want to be happy too. I think last year for me was hard because I had no focus on myself. I was so worried about what the whole world thought of me, felt about me. Well, enough of that. I want to laugh as much as I breathe, and love as long as I live.

I'll let you know how it goes :)

My babies....

2009-12-15T11:09:00.003-05:00

by the Christmas tree.

Happy times.

It was like coming out of a dark cave...

2009-12-14T11:16:00.006-05:00

When my son was born, I think I held him in my arms for his first two months of life. I held him, I rocked him, I slept with him on my chest, I carried him in a sling if I just had to do something that couldn't wait, and I was happy that way. I was completely head-over-heels in love with this little baby. I was in awe of his every move. I was simply just in love. But then when my baby was eighteen months old, I got pregnant again. It was at that moment that things started to change for little John and I. I was too tired to play all day long, or to read for hours. Too tired to carry him around for most of the day, even in a sling. Too tired to be patient. My pregnancy was successful and in nine months or so, I had a little girl. When she was born, things got even more complicated. I love my baby girl, even with all the craziness that inhibits her soul, God knows I love her. But things just got difficult.

Unfortunately, when she came into my life, I became a sad person. I know now that I was depressed. I refused to take medication, wasn't it bad (how ignorant I was)? I went to therapy and met an amazing psychologist. He helped me see what was going on and why I had no strength for my children, my precious, precious children. Why I was so irritated all the time, especially with my little John that as a two and a half year old needed so much patience. Patience I simply just did not have. I remember feeling so heartbroken when this was going on because I felt as if everything I had ever done with my little John had been a waste.

All the hugs.
All the kisses.
All the hours spent reading together.
All the hours I carried him in my arms.
All the hours we spent in my rocking chair.
All the nights spent hugging while my tiny baby nursed himself in and out of sleep, in my arms, in my bed.

All a waste. I was just this angry mom. This sad mom. This mom that nobody would have recognized just a few months before. I hated myself for feeling that way, yet I couldn't make it go away.

But one day, I bought a camera. I bought a camera and discovered that I loved photographing people and that I was good at it. Slowly but surely, my confidence started coming back. I felt good about myself again. I got to see my children through my lens and I was in love again. I was in love with my work. I was in love with my clients, I was in love with my children.

I fell in love with my children again.

I remember coming out of my depression and feeling like I was coming out of a dark cave, finally seeing the sunlight around the corner. I could see what I needed to do. I could see the changes that needed to be made. And I was going to try my hardest to mend the relationships between my children and I.

I think I was a tad bit successful at it. I finally, after a year, bonded with my little girl. I could hug her, and have it make my soul so happy. I could hold her and sing to her. I was in awe of her, just like I had been with her big brother. I was in love.

But things with little John have taken longer to mend. He is so smart, so outspoken. He is loud and happy. He is sad and whiny. He is so much like me. I find us knocking heads more than I'd like but I know some of it is normal. I mean, he's four years old, he's totally feeling out where his boundaries are. But I worry. I worry that lately my patience is short again. My irritation level seems too high, as of late. I'm sorry, little John.

This may just be a post, meaningless to whomever may read it. But really, this is for my son. My big, four year old son.

John,
Please know that I try every day to make you happy. That the day you were born, I became a different person. That you showed me how to love unconditionally. I try hard every day to be kind to you. I try hard to show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. I hope you know that. I try to tell you every night, how much I love you, how much I adore you. I want you to know that I love everything about you. How you wear costumes all day, every day. How you tell knock-knock jokes to anyone that will listen. How you give me eskimo kisses just because. Please forgive me when I fail at being a patient mommy. It's my fault, it's never you. I love you, papa.
I love you to the moon and back.
-Mommy.

And now for the party invite...

2009-11-18T22:18:00.002-05:00

Seriously, I LOVED my son's birthday party invite this year. I have a sweet friend who makes awesome invites and cards. We talked a bit, a told her what the party theme was, and she came up with three options for me. They all were great but my son freaked out about this particular one. So, the spider invite it was! Check my friend out HERE, she's awesome.

The rest of my little John's birthday party tomorrow.

Let's start at the airport...

2009-11-17T01:29:00.004-05:00

Arriving at the airport, this past Thursday, I thought about how it had been more than three weeks since I had laid eyes on my John. Before that, I had only seen him for three days after a month of being apart. Some people have wondered why we're doing this. Why we would intentionally be away from each other. Sometimes I wonder the same thing. Usually I question our situation when I can literally feel my arms aching for him. He who has been giving me hugs since I was seventeen years old. He who I call my husband, my friend, my baby daddy :), the ONE man in the entire universe that I trust with my heart and my children.

He who my kids love so much.

I question us being apart sometimes but then I drive to the airport after all our paper chain links are gone, with music blasting and I sing and the kids sing and I feel so happy. I feel a peace that I can't describe. And I remember how fast the weeks go by and how slow our days are when our whole family is together. And I remember that John will be here soon and that our family will move into our own home in a few months. And I can't tell you how happy all that makes me. So I won't try.

But this weekend my baby boy turned four years old. So a whole post about that will grace this blog soon. Oh, and he went bowling for the first time this weekend. Will blog that soon too.

We love him and all but there's this other little person....

2009-11-16T16:02:00.003-05:00

As much as I love my hubby and little John loves his daddy, little Ms. Mela takes it to another level. I don't think I ever see her as happy as she is on the days when daddy comes to visit and we pick him up at the airport. Her face is pure joy and I am so glad that it is.

More on John's visit soon.

We lost our dog "Buddy" yesterday...UPDATED!

2009-11-12T08:56:00.004-05:00

I woke up feeling so very sad this morning. Yesterday, our dog Buddy got out of the house, in a split second, when my step dad was home for lunch, and we can't find him. We've driven around everywhere, we've hung LOST DOG posters on every corner, and still our Buddy is not home with us.

John and I got Buddy when he was just 8 weeks old and we had only been married for 6 months. That meant that we got him in the middle of winter and I got to train him in the snow. I remember walking around our apartment complex at two in the morning saying (over and over and over again), "Go potty Buddy. Please, go potty!" And he would take his sweet old time but that's how he is, come to find out. He takes his sweet old time to do everything. But the person really missing Buddy is my mom. When John and I moved to CO from PA, years ago, we moved in with my mom for a couple of months. When it came time to leave, she asked to keep him. I couldn't believe it as she had never allowed for me to have a dog while growing up but she fell in love with Buddy so we let her keep him.

So, after having him a part of our family for five years, we feel his absence in our home and it's awful. I just hope he's okay.

UPDATED: We have found Buddy! He was just a few houses down from us. The two sweetest ladies had him and when they saw our posters they gave us a call. Thank goodness for kind people. We couldn't be happier!

Our yearly Elf Dance!

2009-11-10T14:02:00.002-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Almost four...

2009-11-09T20:38:00.003-05:00

So, this weekend, my first born turns four years old. I can hardly believe it. I had my friend Natalie from Uniquely Natalie make the invites and I love them! I will post pictures tomorrow. With my son's birthday comes a visit from daddy (woohoo!), a Spiderman costume party, a Spiderman pinata, a Spiderman cake...and by now you know the theme, I suppose. I can't wait to watch my baby boy blow out four candles and probably make wishes that involve Spiderman and flying.

She paints with sand....

2009-11-06T08:54:00.000-05:00

And I think it's incredible.

If you have kids, click on the link

2009-11-05T09:14:00.003-05:00

Sheye Rosemeyer, as I've blogged about before, lost her daughter Ava in a tragic accident where Ava got locked in a parked car, in the summer, in their own driveway, and was found too late. She is now sharing this postcard with anyone that will listen to help other parents prevent such a horrible thing happening to their own kids.

She blogged about it, here.

It's worth the few seconds it takes to read her blog post. I know for me, Ava's story has made me so much more aware of just how precious but unpredictable this life is.

Halloween 09

2009-11-04T12:48:00.005-05:00

My most favorite thing about all these pictures is how they all have a red tint to them. The sun on Halloween evening made the sky pink and I love how it made Mela's hair look so red. People often tell me that her hair is a little red but I don't think I ever saw it until I looked at these pictures. Well, all we did for Halloween was go to our Church trunk-or-treat. It was pretty lame and hardly anyone came but the kids don't know any different so they had fun. Mela wanted absolutely nothing to do with trick-or-treating so she just played in the water puddles and ate candy. My son, however, loved asking for candy and so we went from trunk to trunk. It was sad not having my hubby there with us. I know the kids missed him too. He comes to see us in a week though! We could not be more excited about it.

To the zoo with seven kids...

2009-10-29T18:07:00.008-04:00

My friend Karla and I took all our kids to the zoo. With my kids and her kids we have seven kids total. It's awesome. My kids adore Karla and her little ones. A great time was had. We walked and explored, we rode the train and the carousel, we ate pizza and fries, and watched as a peacock stole our fries right off the table. It was hilarious.

The end.

We see him every morning...sort of

2009-10-26T14:36:00.002-04:00

Since my hubby is still not here with us, we had to find a way of seeing him every day. Thank goodness for Skype. I would pay for the service, easily, but how awesome is it that it's free. So, every morning, when we've really woken up and had our breakfast, the kids and I chat with our man. There are funny faces made, good laughs had, and it makes us all so happy. Oh, and the countdown starts again...my hubby comes to see us in about two weeks. This time he gets to stay for FIVE days!

I. can't. wait.

It snowed

2009-10-24T17:01:00.002-04:00

And it was beautiful.

Pumpkins and credit cards

2009-10-22T16:18:00.008-04:00

While my hubby was here, I decided it would be great to go to a pumpkin patch. This particular pumpkin patch was at the Denver Botanic Gardens. When we arrived, about an hour after opening at 10 AM, it was already packed. We parked so far out that my black flats were totally brown by the time we got to the entrance. Then we waited in line for about fifteen minutes before my hubby discovered a hidden entrance that nobody was using. Of course, we only had our bank card as a form of payment (we're such losers) and that was no problem, or so we thought, because they took credit card payments. Of course, when it finally was our turn to pay, the credit card machine broke. They lady says to us, "Well, sorry! There's just nothing I can do!" I think at the moment she said that, my face must have done something horrible. She just looked at me and knew I was horrified. Our daughter, our beloved little Mela, is not a child who has much patience. She was already angry about the forty minute car ride and the twenty minute wait in line. I knew that we couldn't wait another hour in line because the lines were even longer now. So, I looked away and then at the kids and thought, this is it. We're going home. Like I said, the lovely volunteer lady who was trying to make the credit card machine work, must have seen all that worry on my face because she leaned over her table and whispered, "Just go. Just go and have fun." Thanks goodness for such nice people! So, we went, we walked, we played, and we even made pumpkin hats. Here is our day in pictures.

Oh. And here I am. I'm hardly ever in pictures but the hubby took this when I was walking back from the ladies room.

The end.

She's going to hate me for this one day...

2009-10-21T23:32:00.002-04:00

But I can't help it. Look at that hair. When she does get mad at me about showing this picture, maybe when she's 14, I'll tell her it's payback. Payback for screaming and yelling at me EVERY SINGLE TIME I try to change her diaper, dress her after a bath, or brush her crazy hair.

Plus, her daddy (you know, my hubby) was right there beside her when I took this picture and I know he's going to enjoy seeing it tonight when he checks out our blog. We enjoyed our time together so much and I'll be posting more pictures of our weekend tomorrow.

I can hear her laughing...

2009-10-17T17:23:00.003-04:00

I sit at my mother's kitchen table, next to the back sliding door. I can feel the cool breeze that's gently coming in the house. I can hear my daughter and my hubby laughing outside, it is the best sound I've heard in a long time. She's on the swing and daddy pushes her as high as is possibly safe because she loves it. John got here yesterday morning and he leaves Monday morning. Usually, this is when I would say that the days are flying by but that's not true this time. I am feeling and enjoying every second I have with my entire family. We finally are complete.

Yesterday, John and I took little John to see Where the Wild Things Are. It was incredible. Not good. Not okay. Not great. INCREDIBLE. It stays true to the book but it's so much more. Sitting there, in the movie theater, with my first baby and hubby, I was overcome with happiness. This is how my little family started. Just the three of us. Of course, as soon as I thought that, I missed my little girl.

Off I go now, I plan to enjoy every second this weekend. Hope you do too.

That's not what I see...

2009-10-09T11:43:00.004-04:00

This picture was taken with bad lighting but that's not what I see when I look at it. I see papa and grandma's house, that they shared with us and let us call home, too. I see Mela wearing clothes that she can't wear anymore (because it's so cold here in CO) and I see the pajamas that definitely are too small now but I have precious memories of her and I snuggling while she wore them when they did fit, just last winter. I see my awesome dog that I miss so much. He will join us here soon and I can hardly wait. There's just so much missing in our lives when he's not here. The barking, the protecting, the kisses, the walks, and his big brown eyes that practically speak to me.

And I see my wedding picture. The picture that was taken on the day that I became a Mrs. to the man I adore.

So many things that I love in just one little image. I sometimes forget that I am blessed. That I do have plenty to be happy about.

That life is beautiful. Period.

We are so excited for this movie...

2009-10-07T11:05:00.006-04:00

John comes to see us in nine days. We have a paper chain to prove it. Where the Wild Things Are comes out in nine days, too. We plan to go see it together that very same day, minus Mela. Max, from the story, has become one of little John's favorite characters from a book. I think since Max is wearing a costume through his journey, little John can seriously relate. He goes through his journey's/days wearing costumes too. I love that he does.

As for me, I am just excited that my hubby is coming. I don't care what we do. Well, that's not true. I want to do nothing, actually. I just want to take walks to the park, watch movies, and just be together.

I can't wait.

my family, with a kid blocking me

2009-10-07T01:10:00.005-04:00

So, our little family went to the Port Discovery Museum the week before the kids and I moved.

It.is.AMAZING.

Do you live in Baltimore? Do you live close to Baltimore? Do you live a short car ride away from Baltimore? Well, if you do and have kids take them to this museum!

Hopefully you get a better picture of your family than I did :) I will post more pics of our trip soon but I really wanted to show my hubby this picture.

Even if it's not perfect, it is still us together.

I miss...

2009-09-30T20:46:00.004-04:00

Some days I miss my husband so bad I can hardly stand it. I miss him coming home from work and feeling the relief of seeing him safe and with us again. I miss him making the kids laugh. I miss Mela giving him besitos (kisses) all over his face for as long as she can. I miss seeing him wrestle little John and them pretending to be superheroes together. I miss seeing him first thing when I wake up. I miss the hugs, kisses, and snuggles that come when the kids go to bed and we watch Top Chef together. I miss his blue eyes.

I just miss him.

Tomorrow should be easier. I hope. But some days are better than others. Today is not one of them.

To John, I heard this song today and cried like a fool. You know country music and I don't mix anymore, but for some reason, I loved hearing this song today.

I know you love her this much and she loves you too.

The day before we left Pennsylvania...

2009-09-26T15:55:00.003-04:00

Was a happy day. My sister-in-law came over to the house and brought pizza and her family. For my kids, seeing their cousins is such a treat. For me, I love to watch them play but it does sometimes overwhelm me that so many kids are in one space being extra loud. Should you start thinking I'm a weirdo for feeling that way, just keep in mind that I am an only child and my upbringing was pretty quiet and being alone or just with my mom was the norm.

But back to my story.

When we all were done eating our pizza, the kids were sent outside to run around like crazy folk.

And while I'm talking about little kids running around, what is it about children that gives them so much darn energy? It's like, "Hi! My name is John and I only slept four hours last night but I'm ready to go, go, GO!!!!!! Because I'm three years old and have all the energy in the freakin' world!!!!! Just watch me run circles around this field like 4768 times!!!!!"

So, that's what they did. My kids played with their cousins and ran around with all the energy in the world.

And I embraced it.

I have a sticker where?

2009-09-23T10:06:00.008-04:00

The plane ride from Baltimore, MD to Denver, CO was a four hour (four hour!) plane ride. I am so aware that some people fly across the world with their kids and so my plane ride seems like a big fat "no big deal" but it was to me. Little John was awesome, as he always is on car or plane rides but Mela, not so much. I had bought little toys and new art supplies thinking I'd whip out one thing at a time depending on how crazy the kids were. Well, let 's just say that I was out of new toys and they were bored of coloring after an hour. John did fine though just playing with his superheroes but Mela let everyone on the plane know how well she screams. And not only how well she screams, but for how long she can actually scream for, too. It was horrific and so when the plane started to descend I was so happy.

The flight attendant always does one more round of trash collecting before the plane lands and I had two more diapers and countless wipes (from wiping juice, food, and who knows what else off the kids faces) to add to her collection of crap. As the flight attendant stood there for what seemed like 59 minutes, I finally was done getting all my trash into the huge white trash bag. When I notice that the flight attendant is still standing right in front of me, even though I'm done putting trash into her bag, I look up to see why she's still standing there. She bends down and sort of whispers to me, "Ma'am, you have a sticker on your head." She straightens up and walks away. The young couple sitting in the aisle next to ours start laughing at the same time that I start laughing at myself. We had played with Spiderman stickers in the first few minutes of our flight. That means I walked around the plane with a sticker, the size of little John's hand, on top of my head for four hours.

Classic.

At least we're here and safe and so I leave you with these pictures. The first one is before boarding on the plane and the last two are of the kids on the plane. Just so you know, that's gum in Mela's mouth, it kept her quiet for like three minutes before she chucked it at me and it took me forever to find it. It had gotten stuck between two buttons on my new button up shirt. Again, so glad that plane ride is over.

I have to tell you...

2009-09-21T21:06:00.002-04:00

The last thing I expected from this cold, rainy day here in Denver was snow. But snow it did. It didn't come down for very long and it certainly didn't accumulate but at least it snowed long enough for me to get the kids and show them the tiny snowflakes.

I don't know what it is about snow that makes me so darn happy. It's as if the holidays and everything merry comes right along with snow. It's so exciting to put on hats, mittens, and three layers of clothes to just go roll around in the white, soft, fluffy heaven that is a huge pile of snow.

John, I wish you would have been here. We love you and these pictures are for you. Enjoy.

I am back in Denver

2009-09-20T22:35:00.004-04:00

And it feels good. I feel at home and it's so strange that I do feel that way. All my life I have moved here and moved there and moved everywhere. But for the first time, when we landed at DIA, I knew I was home. I feel great but there is this one thing.

I miss my husband to death.

Last night was particularly rough. I called the hubby and cried. I wanted him to hug me. I wanted the kids to hug him. It was a sad sight. But, I know why we're doing this and I'm so positive about it that it scares me a little. I am so not an optimistic person. Life has showed me it's ugly side. But for some unknown reason, I feel really good about this move. I know that somehow he'll join us soon. And that's what I'll think about when I want him with me so bad I can't think straight.

To you sweetheart, I love you to pieces and I can't wait till our next phone call.

Seriously, IT WAS AWESOME

2009-09-15T12:45:00.009-04:00

There's this kid amusement park that is about 45 minutes away from our house, and I, like, really wanted to go. Yeah, I wanted to take my kids. Yeah, I wanted them to have fun and get on rides, and possibly barf from the utter excitement of getting on their first roller coaster. But really, deep down, I wanted to go for myself. There, I said it. I knew we would have just as much fun getting on the rides with our kids. Seriously, I would NEVER go to a regular amusement park with my family. My little babes are way too small to take to Hershey Park or Six Flags. We would spend serious money to just wait in line and then what, go on rides alone while one of us stays behind with the kiddos? No thank you. So, last week we finally went to Dutch Wonderland. Seriously, IT WAS AWESOME. Do you see my hubby's face in this picture below?

Can you see the smile on my face?

The happiness on that child's face is priceless. Or in this case, about $30 for a whole day of fun!

Look at Mela in that picture below? There were kids smaller than her freaking out about this ride but not my girl! She was like, "Get out my way, ya'll! I got a ride to catch!"

After riding almost every ride (some twice) we realized we were sort of hungry. We looked to see what time it was. We had been at Dutch Wonderland for five (five!) hours before we even bothered to stop long enough to check the time. I'm telling you, we had the best freakin' time. And I'm not just talking about the kids, ya'll!

We ate what we almost always eat at public places, french fries. Why must meat be in everything, I ask you! Oh well. Theses fries were so good.

We spent over seven (seven!) hours total at this awesome place and called it a day.

We stopped at Qdoba's for dinner and then grabbed some Coldstone next door. Um, check out Mela. There was more ice cream on her person than in her tummy.

The End.

It all started with Cjane

2009-09-08T19:47:00.004-04:00

Cjane, you know, NieNie's sister, wrote a post today about how she wants there to be a blog that shows you how to eat. Head over to her blog to know what I'm talking about, if ya want. So, I clicked on her BlogFrog community after reading her post and started reading a few of the comments. Someone had left a link for this blog, The Daily Grapefruit.

Oh my.

It is such an excellent blog. Her writing is incredible, the love for her family is palpable, her cooking seems ridiculously good, and I found what might be one of my favorite blog posts ever.

Read it here.

It's basically her bearing her testimony but in the most beautiful way. If you need, want, or love a daily dose of something lovely and spiritual, read this.

While editing my newphew's session...

2009-09-07T19:48:00.002-04:00

I showed my hubby this picture.

He asked, "Who's baby is that?"

I said, "He's Baby L. Your nephew, ya know?"

He responds, "Oh, he's big effin' pimpin'."

And all of a sudden I'm married to a gansta' rapper.

I know it's only the the beginning of September but...

2009-09-02T16:46:00.000-04:00

I couldn't help it. I made Halloween mini cupcakes.

It's all because of my son. We went to Target and he saw the few things they have for Halloween, most of which was food related. I couldn't resist. So, about four bucks and a couple of hours later, we have ourselves over 50 mini Halloween cupcakes. Complete with orange, white, and black sprinkles. Thank goodness I plan to share with a dear friend of mine tomorrow or else I would be in danger of inhaling a dangerous amount of these mini treats.

Oh, and Mela, she approves.

Oh my. Look.At.Those.Little.Lips. I can hardly stand it. She is so crazy cute to me.

P.S. Look forward to Christmas music in my playlist soon. Maybe late October? I just can't help it. The holidays are coming!

Today we...

2009-09-01T22:39:00.002-04:00

watched March of the Penguins and Earth.
ate lots of yummy grapes.
colored outside with cousins.
danced to Shakira's She Wolf song.
played airplane on the bed.
had a great day.

How was your day?

It all started when...

2009-08-28T12:18:00.004-04:00

My sister-in-law, Taryn, invited me over to her house yesterday for Olive Garden take-out. It was sort of a little celebration for my birthday and Jennie's birthday too. My hubby and Jennie's hubby were taking all our kids to the park down the street and we were going to have a little lunch just us girls.

That's not what happened. Not what happened at all.

So, we get to Taryn's house and Jennie's hubby and my hubby take all the kids (minus the new little guy). We get to chatting but I don't see any food around and I'm all, "So, what's the plan? Are we eating soon?" And Taryn's all, "Um, I don't know what the plan is, actually." And then she starts baby talking her new little boy and I'm left starving and craving Olive Garden salad. We keep talking and Taryn's asks to see my new photo blog. Jennie, Taryn, and I head on over to the computer and get lost in my blog and then check out every blog (relatives and friends) that we can think of stalking.

Next thing I know, John and Jennie's hubby are back with all the kids. My father-in-law and mother-in-law are all of a sudden in Taryn's living room and everyone starts looking at me funny and I realize....

I'm in the middle of a surprise party! A surprise party that's for me.

I walk into the living room and see a huge Olive Garden take-out bag filled to the top with bread sticks and yummy salad (thanks Kay!). Everyone says "Happy Birthday!" and I am truly shocked about it. I should have known it was coming though!

You have to know that in my hubby's family, surprise parties are a must. But almost always, the person getting thrown the surprise party figures it out. John has never been able to truly surprise me on my birthday before.

Until now.

I had the best time and it was so nice to feel so loved and cared for. My hubby got me a beautiful necklace, took me to IKEA (yay!), and took the kids for two hours while I got my hair cut and styled, and my eyebrows done. Thanks to my in-laws and my mom, we did all that with my birthday money!

It was an awesome day.

I wish I had pictures but I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't whip out my camera. Besides, I think Taryn took a few shots and since it was my party, I thought it appropriate that someone else handle the camera for a change.

Thank you everyone! I had the best day.

My Birthday-23 years

2009-08-27T08:10:00.004-04:00

Today marks the day that 23 years ago my mom brought me into this world. I spoke with my mom a couple of days ago. She cried in remembering the day I came into her life. If it wasn't because I have children that I love like she loves me, I probably would wonder why my mom was crying two days before my birthday. But I do have kids that I adore and cherish. I completely understand why she was moved to tears at the thought of her only daughter's birthday. We are far away from each other this year. That's hard on both of us. There are only a few birthdays that I have not spent with my mother.

I have heard people say before that birthday's should celebrate the person that was born, of course, but it should also celebrate the mother that carried and gave birth to said person.
I couldn't agree more.

Mom, you gave me life and loved me even though your life when I arrived wasn't exactly the best. You have never thought of yourself or your needs before mine and now that I'm a parent, I realize what a big deal that is. You are an incredible abuela to my kids, which is like the best gift I could ask for.

And so, today I celebrate my birthday, but I celebrate my mother too.

So, I got a new blog

2009-08-25T23:11:00.002-04:00

If you haven't checked out my new photo blog yet, please do! I am so very happy with the design and the organization that Kristin brought to it. Kristin is the lady behind Simply Whimsy Designs.

She rocks. Period.

I wanted something simple and clean yet fun and organized. She brought that and then some.

Oh, and don't you know that I turned into the devil while working with her. Never have I been so picky about anything. I was intense, to say the least. My business, to me, is like my third child. I love it, I spend time with it, I nurture it, and I guess in this case, I'm picky about what it looks like, big time.

Kristin, thank you so much for being so patient with me and for not making me feel like the craziest lady in PA. My blog is beautiful and I owe it to you.

My new buttons are also available on my new blog under the tab "buttons", duh. There are two you can choose from and I am so happy with both. Please do get one and put it on your blog, I would make me over-the-moon happy. And not that it matters, but still, just think about it, will ya?

Exciting changes around here!

2009-08-23T11:34:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone!

For the last couple of months I have been working on changing my business name. I loved Bonnie Loves Pictures Photography but I wasn't 100% satisfied with it. So, after thinking about it for a really long time, my new business name is........

I'm so excited about it! Sadie is Mela's middle name, in case you were wondering.

So, the new website is: sadiedaysphotography.com

and the new blog is: sadiedaysphotographyblog.com

My old website directs you to my new website but my old blog does not (boo). So, change your links (please!) because this is my new permanent home!

Also, the blog is getting an incredible blog makeover...that's coming up very soon. New awesome buttons are on their way too!

I just got home...

2009-08-23T00:33:00.000-04:00

from watching 500 Days of Summer. I've been wanting to watch it for such a long time now.

It delivered. True to what the previews say, it isn't a love story like we're used to seeing (boy meets girl, girl likes boy, happily ever after) but love is found in a lot of ways.

Watch it. At the very least it'll provide some good laughs and excellent music.